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Turn around, look at other people’s lives and ask yourself: What else do I want?

It was Friday, last week of December. Cold roast. Finishing up the day’s work, I was glad that the weekend is ahead. This week was like walking on thorns. Where fell – you’re poked.

At work all employers look like time bombs. And I – always like that even in my best days. Clockwork temperament since young age, as growing I become worse. All the time during the week I find someone to argue with.

John is not calling me anymore. And he is right. I crossed every boundary, every red line. He was really patient, but I treated him like a reptile. I am undefined and spoiled. He couldn’t be with me anymore – justified! This is not some game, we are not kids anymore.

Whole his effort to understand me, to be closer to me I plunged into the water to run away, I tremble near him, and he … and already closed the door and left.

But usually he would call. He clenched teeth, I remembered how much he loved me and he would always call, he would come back I believed. But not now.

In the end the bitch inside me won. Too proud to call him back. I would do everything for him!

I love him unconditionally. But … I do not know how  to express my feelings. It’s been 4 days so far. Without seeing him or without hugging him, without telling me – to not worry, he would kiss me in the forehead and he would run to the store to buy me a chocolate. The days will pass but he wouldn’t be here.

I turned off the lights, gathered my things and left. It was too cold to wait for the bus, so I decided to take a walk. I was angry on December, angry at work, obligations, I was angry to John and in the end – to myself, at least I knew which fault it was – Mine!

Great, started to snow. I was wondering on the human race how we succeed to destroy everything, to mix things up to highest level? To make the simple stuff more complex.

I sit on one of the bench by the fountain. I’m no longer in the mood for walk. I can hardly breathe. The smell of warm food spread from the restaurant on the square.

Suddenly stopped snowing, like that’s the reason that the people decided to fill the empty places at the park, everybody seemed to be happy.

orphan

My view got distracted by little kid that was sitting in the front of the restaurant. Its was a girl at young age probably 6 or 7 years old. With sleepy eyes sitting on the frozen floor. Her voice was trembling, offering to the walkers one of the many wet wipes that were sold for only 1 dollar.

She had very big green eyes, hair with the color of the honey and little dirty but very cute cheeks. Her toes were pink from the cold weather. That girl with hardly 44 pounds who never did anything bad to anybody in her life its forced to walk to the injustice called life.

It’s forced to know, forced to sell, forced to talk and to close a deal without hand shake, to know to negotiate. This girl like thousands other like her is fighting every day for better life.

Boys and girls are forced to face with the cold nights ,cold eyes of the aunts like  me for example, unsatisfied from the cruel life, from their partners, husbands and wifes, from their children, disappointed from the trust of the friends, disappointed from God, so what do we want more ?

What do i want more ?

It’s New Year, for that tiny little heart holidays are coming also. Christmas is coming. The glow of the shiny ornaments blind my eyes, i started to cry like a little kid.

You have a man that loves you silly. Parents who love you and support you the whole life. Sister that always makes you laugh, roof on your head and bread on the table. You have everything, what else can you desire.

You are witness that everything in your life comes sooner or later stop behaving like a little child, happiness is a thin thread of silk silly, it never shows alone.

I left the cold bench and approached the girl. She looked me with the big green eyes and she smiled – “Do you want to buy wipes aunt”?

No “I want to buy you a dinner” i replied with smile.

She accept my offer gather the wipes and the few dollars from the floor and together we entered the restaurant.

Then i called John!

Suddenly the cold was gone, my soul was filled with unusual heat and a long awaited joy

 

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